Not too long ago... a friend of mine asked me: "When are you going to get a 'real' job?" This got me to thinking about the variety of jobs that I have had over my lifetime and I decided to make a list. 1. Paper Route- I delivered the Clipper to anxious readers in Farmington. The worst part was waking up at 4am to roll and rubber-band all of the papers.
2. Edit Technologies- I was an industrial Print technician assistant.
3. Mike Schaff Airbrushing- I worked at lagoon as an airbrush artist by the "Colossus." I would paint t-shirts for couples that featured naked silhouettes in beach scenes with their names in the sunset. I was 16. Once, a hispanic family asked me to paint 8 shirts that said,"Brown Pride." I had to keep telling people that they weren't for me.
4. Pizza Hut- I started as a cook and shortly made my way to the cut-table. As if that weren't enough for most ambitious teens, as soon as I turned 18, I went on to be a delivery driver. This was at the height of my Queensryche obsession and I would listen to my favorite mix tape in my Nissan SEV6 all night long. P.S. the illuminated Pizza Hut sign made me an easy target for high school bullies that could spot me a mile away... again and again. Joanne, who I think I asked to prom 3 years in a row (we went together once), worked here for a short time. She was a vegetarian and her brother, my manager, would have her make all the "meat-lovers" pizzas.
5. Pineview Builders- I worked as a carpenter for a while building houses along the Wasatch front. Our foreman was a big guy with red hair and beard that we called sasquatch. I leaned most of what I know about swearing and sex from this job. I also learned that,"if it's broke, get a bigger hammer." so...
6. Olde St. Rose Restaurant and Gift Shop- This was an old church in Layton that was converted to a restaurant where I worked as the "handy-man." I would do odd jobs around the place painting or fixing things for food. Joanne, the quintessential high school crush that I would have sacrificed all my household pets for, worked there as well. I had frosted tips and never got anywhere with her. so...
7. Structure- On a dare, I went into Victoria's Secret to apply for a job. When I got one, I didn't ever figure out what the secret was, but I did find out that Structure was a part of the same corporation as VS. I shortly transfered to the Crossroads Mall Structure location in Salt Lake where I would eventually meet the lead singer for Lynch Mob. I would also develop a crush on my manager Emily. Emily, if you are reading this... call me.
8. Mission in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
9. Olde Towne Catering- While I was in Brazil, my mom and sister had started their own catering business and had landed a contract catering Citi Group's lunch at the layton call center. This is where I would meet Casey, who would later show me the true meaning of Truth or Dare in my uncle's hot tub. She would go on to be affectionately know by the nickname,"undies girl." That day I had woken up a boy... but I went to bed a man. Casey, if you are reading this... call me.
10. Beyond Fitness (Gold's Gym)- During the short time that I had a membership to Gold's gym, I was approached by the guys the manages all the personal trainers. He offered me a job as a trainer. I asked if I needed to be certified at all and he said no, he'd teach me everything I needed to know. After a week, I was wearing the Beyond Fitness polo with the collar popped and life was good. I also began to recruit others to work with us. The criteria that I was given went something like this,'look for good-looking flexible girls... then sign them up. I'll teach them the rest.' Finally, after about a month, I was Promoted to "Head Trainer." Again, I was the "Head Trainer" at golds gym! If you know me well, this is a funny story.
11. Copelands Sports- This was one of my favorite jobs hands down! I began working in the Board Shop building skate decks in the summer and selling snowboards in the winter. It was great! Then I moved my way up to the "Outdoors" department selling camping good and skis! After that, it was on to the Ski Shop, where I got to use the heavy equipment to wax, grind and tune skis and snowboards. This was great because my usual day consisted of sharpening my Samurai Sword on the ski grinder, listening to Steve Vai and Watching Karate Kid on VHS for hours on end. Finally, with such a sterling record of service, I was promoted to the Bike Department! Here I would usually just work on my own bikes, listen to music and make music videos on my Mac.
12. Tucanos Brazilian Grill- This was a no-brainer. I learned portuguese in Brazil and the selection of ladies that work at Tucanos was as choice as the top sirloin. So, I signed up and became a meat-server. It was easy because you don't have to take any orders for drinks or deserts, you just walk around with a huge knife and a hunk of meat on a stick. When people want what you got, you pull over and slice 'em off a piece. After a while, I became the "Lead Server." This meant that I was in charge of prep for each shift, making sure that we had enough of each meat to serve for the night, and sometimes I could help run the grill. Only down side was when I somehow managed to cut my forehead with my knife while at a table and actually got my blood on a dude's shirt.
13. BYU Custodial- This job was pretty cool. Only thing was that it started at 3 am. Other than that, it was great! Walking around, listening to Def Leppard and Porcupine Tree all by myself, it was pretty chill, and as soon as you get your work done, you can go. Easy. I worked exclusively cleaning up the basement of the Joseph F. Smith building.
14. Banana Republic- This was by far one of the most professional places I have ever worked. I don't have any jokes to tell about this place. I loved it. Everyone there was awesome. I started as a salesperson and made my way to working on the visual team that would create all the displays for the store. This was where I met Larissa. My banana angel. She was the only girl to literally "take my breath away." All I ever wanted was to keep her safe and warm. But, she had a boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure he had a pager on his belt (this was 2006). I couldn't top that. Larissa, if you are reading this... well, come over. We can watch The Notebook together.
15. Contender Bicycles- This was where I have worked until recently (2009). Great job! They always took exceptional care of me. Awesome location too. It is right at the corner of 9th and 9th in SLC. You have Great Harvest on one corner, Barbacoa on the right and the Coffee Garden just across the street. Oh yeah! and the Tower Theater is right there too! I got to meet people that will be my friends for years to come by working here. Good times.
16. Celebrity Limousine- Yeah, I was a limo driver. Ha. It was awesome. The hours sucked. 4 am pick-ups at the airport and weddings till 1 am. Overall, I loved the experience and hearing Dumb and Dumber jokes all day. Insisting on carrying couples luggage to the honeymoon suite so that I could see inside the room was probably my favorite part. That, and eating left-over treats from the receptions. By far, the coolest honeymoon suite that I saw was at "The Inn on the Hill," just south of the Utah State Capital.
Well, I think that's it...
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